When it comes to problems, we intimidate ourselves with what we don’t know. A business magnate with arachnophobia, a daredevil who uses a nightlight, and great students who struggle with math come to mind.
What Bugs You?
Insects–like weeds–are perceived as undesirable by many people. Some of the greatest humans will kill an insect without considering whether it’s an ant, roach, or bee. Ants are invasive, roaches are unclean, and bees pollinate flowers and crops. I once watched a neighbor kill a praying mantis that was on the outside of a screen door that he opened from the inside. It wasn’t hurting anything. He explained that bugs weren’t supposed to be in the house.
Bend, Break, or Run!
Then we assume an unreasonable or impossible goal. There’s the new beau who is close friends with his ex. It is often awkward or uncomfortable for a new significant other who may lie by saying it’s not. What about the screamer kid being babysat by a childless friend? Should the parent be told how difficult the kid is? Can subtlety also be diplomacy?
We psyche ourselves out of being capable (of dealing, treating, or conquering). We’re not qualified for that job—like we don’t have any useful skills that pay more. We’re outclassed for that promotion—like we can’t prepare for it. We hate our jobs yet keep them out of fear instead of developing a plan to leave for a better fit or a different career.
Overreaching…
We hate fifth grade math because it’s all calculus anyway at age 10 or 11. Telling a student to write a poem is expecting her to be William Shakespeare. Writing an essay means he’s Stephen King. Being good at math means doing it in our heads in five seconds like a math genius. Just doing math is being a mathematician.
We’re loud and proud about being cowards regarding a certain subject. Someone with a first date in an hour begs friends to give her a last-minute ride instead of taking an Uber or driving lessons. What about the person who is conquering the world but not that chronic runny nose?
If we as parents model that to our children, guess what they do? They mimic us, of course.